speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
