I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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