Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
