Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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