worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
