What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
