roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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