Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
