your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
