When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
