her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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