They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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