forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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