you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
