All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
