Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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