did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
