How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
