tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
