Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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