i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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