based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So vagazzling was a success
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