I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
