So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
