Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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