If you die in college, do you die in real life?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
