if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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