is wine microwaveable?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize