Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
