Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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