Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
