Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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