I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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