just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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