come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
