addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
