I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
