so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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