I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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