woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
