So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
