I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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