Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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