You're so nebulous sometimes
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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