My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
