Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
