Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
