how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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