I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
