i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
