Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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