he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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