somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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