I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
