my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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