I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
