tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
