i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize