at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
