the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
