When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
