Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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