Redeem this text for a blowjob
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
