Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
