who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
