anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
