Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
