before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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