She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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